Alright, alright — Noel Cay, on your feet!
Where the snow's made of coconut and the only thing frozen's the margarita.
Now grab somebody, grab a drink, and sing it loud with me—
'cause there ain't a grouch alive a warm bar can't thaw. Here we go!
Tinsel strung tight 'round a bamboo pole,
the bartender's hound on punchbowl patrol.
A girl in two pigtails and a tilted Santa hat,
strummin' island carols on a ukulele—flat.
The meanest man in Noel Cay strolls in from afar,
slaps a damp twenty down on the yuletide bar:
"To Christmas ham platters and spiced holiday cheer—
my heart took a leap, and I'm buyin' the beer!"
Merry Christmas, grinches—raise your spirits high!
Pour another double, let the cold breeze fly!
From the cold dark peak to the tiki bar line,
Merry Christmas, grinches—glad you made it in time!
The mayor's half-crocked on peppermint schnapps,
two locals doin' limbo in unbuttoned tops.
A little Bing Crosby driftin' out from the booth,
mixes with lime juice and 80-proof truth.
The big guy leans over, ice clinkin' his glass:
"I spent fifty-three years bein' an absolute ass...
turns out joy wasn't missin' from up on the peak,
just needed dark rum and some friends who don't preach!"
Merry Christmas, grinches—raise 'em one and all!
Here's to every sad sack who answered the call!
To the hound with an antler and the stool by the door—
Merry Christmas, grinches—don't you scowl no more!
To the back-row misfits... the stubborn holdouts...
the ones who swear they hate the lights, the crowds, and the noise...
pull up a chair. Take a sip. We saved a glass for ya.
Grumpy in the face, but warm in the soul,
a couple dark rums make a broken heart whole!
One part sugar, two parts spice—
even old grinches get paradise!
Merry Christmas, grinches—set 'em up again!
If you came here to grumble, you're runnin' out of time,
we're drownin' every sorrow in coconut and lime!
Merry Christmas, grinches—underneath the mistletoe,
let the rum keep us warmer than the fallin' snow!
We came in to scowl, but we're leavin' aligned—
Merry Christmas, grinches—the season's yours and mine!
Merry Christmas, grinches... Merry Christmas, grinches...
Now that's what I call holy water.
Merry Christmas, you bunch of beautiful grinches.