Now... nobody knows exactly when Gary became a captain.
Some say he earned it.
Some say he just kept fixin' the boat
till everybody started listenin' to him.
Either way—
here we go.
Captain Gary left the dock one mornin',
coffee in his hand,
said, "Should be an easy day out here,"
which ain't how easy days begin.
Port motor coughed, the starboard smoked,
somebody lost a fin,
a tourist hollered, "Is that supposed to happen?"
Gary said, "Nope."
Then dove in.
CAPTAIN GARY!
Keep the damn thing movin'!
CAPTAIN GARY!
Hell, he'll figure somethin' out!
Keep the passengers alive,
keep the throttle open wide,
if it rattles, leaks or catches fire—
he'll probably take a look.
He ain't out there chasin' trouble—
TROUBLE KNOWS HIS NAME!
Somewhere off the coast of Destin,
Captain Gary saves the day.
He can hear a bad fuel pump
from three slips down the pier,
tell you which damn bearing's shot
before the noise gets near.
He'll stare into an engine bay,
scratch his head and say,
"Well— there's your problem right there."
Nobody else can see it,
but apparently... there it is.
Give him half a socket set,
some duct tape and a beer,
he'll have that bastard runnin'
'fore the Coast Guard gets here.
CAPTAIN GARY!
Keep the damn thing movin'!
CAPTAIN GARY!
Hell, he'll figure somethin' out!
Keep the passengers alive,
keep the throttle open wide,
if it rattles, leaks or catches fire—
he'll probably take a look.
He ain't out there chasin' trouble—
TROUBLE KNOWS HIS NAME!
Somewhere off the coast of Destin,
Captain Gary saves the day.
Now Gary likes his WaveRunner
like he likes his coffee strong—
wide open, slightly dangerous,
and probably goin' somewhere wrong.
Fifty-eight years taught him
there's a couple rules out on the sea:
most of 'em are pretty useful,
some are... suggestions, apparently.
He's forty feet below the boat,
somebody's yellin' from above,
the anchor's wrapped around somethin'
that ain't supposed to be down there.
Gary looks up through the bubbles,
shakes his head,
and somehow everybody knows:
the previous captain did it.
Who keeps the boat movin'?
GARY!
Who keeps the tourists breathin'?
GARY!
Who pinned the damn WaveRunner?
GARY!
Who said that was a good idea?
...Nobody.
Who are we blamin'?
THE PREVIOUS CAPTAIN!
The Gulf is wild and beautiful,
she don't care about your plans.
Gary learned a long time ago
you respect what you don't understand.
So he'll watch the sky,
he'll watch the tide,
he'll get everybody home—
then tomorrow somebody'll call and say,
"Hey, Gary... you got a minute?"
"...what'd you break?"
CAPTAIN GARY!
Keep the damn thing movin'!
CAPTAIN GARY!
Hell, he'll figure somethin' out!
Keep the passengers alive,
keep the throttle open wide,
if it sinks, smokes, stalls or floats—
Gary's probably on his way.
No, he ain't out there chasin' trouble—
TROUBLE'S GOT HIS NUMBER!
And somewhere off the coast of Destin,
a phone begins to ring...
"Gary speakin'."
"...you did WHAT?"
FIX THE DAMN THING!
BLAME THE OTHER CAPTAIN!
Keep the boat movin'!
Keep everybody breathin'!
And somebody— for the love of God—
take Gary's phone away.
CAPTAIN GARY!